Mothers Day: Reach out to someone you know struggling to conceive

I have this great need to write a blog post on mothers day, to pay special tribute to those who have and are struggling to become mothers  either naturally, through ivf, surrogacy or adoption; because it's an unspoken truth that 1 in 6 couples that you know at this very moment are struggling to conceive.  This quote sums up the core of this struggle so eloquently -  " There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes. "

Sam and my journey fails in comparison to the hardships others face to become what I believe is a basic human right- a parent.  We've had a bit of bad luck trying to eradicate an error in our offspring's genetic coding, whilst working around scarring from abdominal surgery I had when I was 7 years old (who thought?),  and recently suffered a  6-week miscarriage.. . It's nearly 2 years down the line of countless hormones, scans, testing, acupuncture and more; and we've had it easy! You're probably thinking how is this having it easy?  Because it's been our choice and many people don't even get to make this choice, because financially they cannot afford it, or lack the physical resources to do so...

Today I would like to honour all the women in the world who have either fought hard to bring a child into this world and those struggling for life's greatest privilege of doing so... Many of whom suffer in silence each and every day. Take a moment to reach out to them and show them the love, support and more importantly understanding they so desperately need in this hard time. It will be emotional for them, but being understood is one of life's greatest gifts we can give to another. Don't offer advice, and don't try fix anything, just let them know that you understand how hard it is  for them today (or any other day) and let the know that you are thinking of them.  They will be grateful for your brave attempt to reach out, as they'll no longer need to suffer alone, and sharing their struggles will lead to greater understanding from others and so this beautiful cycle will continue :-)

Happy Mothers Day to mothers, grandmothers furry kid mothers, godmothers, and those on the journey to becoming a mother.  And for those struggling on this  journey, a women who I admire deeply once said to me- "Be brave, strong and true. If you can stick to this you will make it through."

Do you have a story you want to share?

What I’ve learnt from my Vizsla Raffa. Part One.

#1 Hard work really does pay off. Giving up will always be a mistake. 

When we got little Raffa she was the most challenging 3-month year old pup I thought anyone could ever have. No it wasn’t that it was hard to potty train her or that she was sickly,  it was that she was extremely hyperactive and overly verbal ALL THE TIME. She really pissed buzz off with her incessant ear biting and pawing, she ate the couch several times, dragged toilet paper all over the house, chewed 5 pairs of my sandals which included my one and only expensive pair of Errol Arendz sandals. Daily she would dig up the flowerbeds and excavate craters into the lawn.

 It eventually got to the point where I considered giving her away on Gumtree. My thoughts: “I mean I’m not selling her, I’m giving her away, so someone awesome with a good home and big property will want her right? Anyway, who could resist her gorgeous face…?”  There were some days I really meant it and others not as much, but you get how I was feeling.   Eventually 10 months passed and I realized that things weren’t so crazy anymore. A few days went by that I didn’t think about what a mess she had made but rather how lovely she is. Was it that everything I had put up with was  so completely and utterly worth it? I think so…

Her personality is one of a kind and her affection towards me is on a human-like level if that is even a term.  The bond we have is unbreakable. If I had not pushed through the trying times with Raffa, my life right now would be very empty. In fact she has helped me through some of the hardest months of my life this year. Her excitability when I walk through that door makes every ruined grass blade, torn rose bush, “confettied” toilet paper and chewed up sandal strap worth it. She is so easy to love and that’s not because she doesn’t dig up the garden anymore (because she does), that’s because she brings so much energy, positivity and happiness into my life. If things had come too easy, perhaps I wouldn’t appreciate her as much as I do, and I certainly would not be writing a blog post about her either. Giving her up would have been a very BIG mistake. 

{Right now she is curled up next to me. It took her about 4 times to get into a position that would touch every inch of my body surface area…}

The person you really need to marry... yourself

A happy new year to you all, its been quite a while... It's now that time of year to get serious about stuff. I think 2015 is going to be a particularly awesome year, which started off on a very good note when I came across this extremely honest and sincere TED Talk by Mad Men writer Tracy McMillan. The title of the talk "The person you really need to marry" made me a bit skeptical at first; it sounded like a self help how-to get hitch type of talk and I was intrigued to hear what she had to say about the topic. Luckily it turned out that the title of her talk was very misleading and for good reason... The TED talk is actually about marrying and accepting oneself, which she references as- "walking yourself down the aisle exactly where you are." 

Tracy McMillan is a television writer (Mad Men, United States of Tara) and relationship author who wrote the book Why You're Not Married...Yet, based on her viral 2011 Huffington Post blog. She also appeared as a dating coach on the NBC reality show Ready For Love.

Whilst I'm often unsuccessful I really do try hard to be mindful and love myself every day, yet I have never thought about making a deliberate commitment to myself using the same vows I made when I married my husband. Over the past few days I've been agonising over this very fact, however, I have decided to accept and love myself for where I am right now and rather do something about it by writing this blog article. Powerful stuff really.   

The vows explained by Tracy are the most important set of vows we can ever make to anyone EVER. Why? Firstly, we are the small portion of the population who are privileged enough to worry about concepts such as "being whole", our "best self"  aka self actualisation, so lets make it count for ourselves and for others. By loving, helping and accepting ourselves we can wholly accept others and help them get to a place where the concept of  "self worth" becomes tangible. Inevitably this leads to more love, and so the cycle continues ( as cliche as it sounds, it's true). Tracy makes reference to this in multiple instances.

And as Tracy puts it so clearly- "The only relationship you’ll ever have with another person is the one you’re already having with yourself.”  So, I have decided to put a ring on it, walk myself down the aisle and make these vows to myself (with the intention of those closest and dearest to me holding me accountable. You know who you are ;-) :

1. I vow to love myself unconditionally everyday (even when I feel insecure, directionless, physically awkward or overwhelmed). To love myself as I expect my family, good friends and husband to love me, and to love myself for both my positive and negative character traits. 

2. I vow to accept that I will make mistakes and to understand that I will get thrown the same challenges until I learn from them... and then actually learn from them (with the understanding that it is in the face of the hardest challenge that I have the most to give.)

3. I vow to love others right where they are and for who they are right now, and to be purposeful in the relationships I nurture (in an unselfish way). 

What vows are you going to make to yourself in 2015?

Too much cooking and not enough blogging

Sho! Its been a while since I've written a blog post. I've literally been making, baking , shaking and all that good stuff. Strangely enough I've also discovered yoga which has taken some of my blogging time. I wouldn't call myself a yogi by any means! Not just because I'm curvy but because I'm one of those uncoordinated dorks who places my mat at the back of the class hoping no one will see me, when actually I should go for the middle row to see what everyone else is doing! I think this is the first time in my life that I am actually on time for anything as I simply HAVE to be to join in. Late equals no entry! Even then I'm still late in 'yoga time'- huffing and puffing my way up the stairs to the studio. Theres just nothing zen about it. By the time I arrive it looks like I ran to class from home (which I probably should do as it is around the corner). Anyway, I will keep you updated on how long the yoga lasts for, but I have a feeling this is a long term maintenance thing for me.

 Oh, and we have a new puppy called Raffa. That makes not just one but two crazy pooches to deal with. On second thought I think this adjustment ( putting it ever so mildly) has taken up a lot of my time whilst trying to fit in my GetSmarter course work.  

So here are few things I've managed to cook over the past few weeks:

Orang souffle's, chocolate fondants with ginger, vegan chocolate-avo tarts, red velvet cake, angry duck pancakes, tom yum soup, salmon-pear thai red curry, butter chicken (with Naan of course) and buttermilk aubergine!  Notice a bit of  an asian trend by any chance? Well here are some pictures or more like excuses for not writing enough posts over the last 2 months...

I'm going to write a few separate posts about my top favourite dishes soon, so watch this space for some asian inspiration.